i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
