The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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