paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This house was built for laser tag.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
