Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
