She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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