$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
