Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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