forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
