Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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