So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
