Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
