remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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