i jhust puked up my retainher.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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