does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
