I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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