Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize