am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize