I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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