you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
