man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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