There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
