I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
