Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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