I just threw up on my dentist
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
