I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
