My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
