If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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