yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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