They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
