If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
