Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
