I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
