put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
