I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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