Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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