so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
