the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
