You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
