Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
