my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
