HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
