My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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