So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
