He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
