I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize