obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
