and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
