Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
