Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
