I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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