just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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