I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
