you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
