I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
