Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I AM VODKA MAN
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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