Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
