I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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