I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize