Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
