So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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