I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
