So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
