hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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