He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
