She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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