yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
