I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
