My first STD was from a foam party
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize