When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
