Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
