You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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