She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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