The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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