I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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