I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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