I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
