I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
