My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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