just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
