the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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