i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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