Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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