my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
