his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
