WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
