I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
