I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
