I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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