I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
