Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
