I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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