chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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