Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize