she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
