You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
