They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just tell him i said nine months
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
