you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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