They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
