I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
