I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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