she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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