apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize