I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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