i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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