I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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