I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
