yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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