you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
