Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
