I can tuck mytits in my pants
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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